I'm bringing Xanga back - drop a comment if you're with me!

很奇怪，总是觉得……他并不是我的。

感觉而已……也不知为何……

i guess i don't really have to be dating for marriage right now.  i should just enjoy love as it is, or being smitten, or like, or whatever you want to call it, and not have to worry about anything until i'm actually sure about the person i'm with.  even if i'm at the age where i should start looking seriously and stop playing around, there's no guarantees.  love definitely does not come with a warranty for broken hearts, no matter how serious the feelings get.  so i'm just going to enjoy life as it is.  i think one thing that makes life exciting is the fact that you never really know what's going to happen... if you fall, you fall.  no big deal.  what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger, right?   

so i'm going to let go of my doubts, break down my barriers, and begin to love like i've never been hurt before.  i think that's the beauty of life.  how am i ever going to find mr. right if i'm never willing to give a chance? 

as for marriage... we'll save that thought until i'm REALLY ready.  as for now, i don't think i should think too much about it, because whatever age i am right now, it's still considered young, and i don't think i'm ready at all for such a commitment.  while it is nice to contemplate the thought of raising a family with the one you're currently with, the "M" word requires a lot more commitment and responsibility than what i think i'm really ready for.  i think it's a whole new level.  and that's why i'll only daydream about it now, and feel happy in the meantime (hey, it's okay to wonder, alright?  ), while i take my time to explore everything around me that could be explored, live life to the fullest, and unleash my potential (a.k.a. focusing on my own life, my goals, and my career).

i'm glad that even though i'm absolutely smitten by my boyfriend and a teeny bit thrilled at the thought of the possibility of one day, maybe, just one day, that we could walk down that aisle and say "i do," exchange rings, (of course with me being the most beautiful bride on earth) have four awesome kids with awesome genes (of course, can't expect any less from two perfect people, right?  ), raise a family together.  we'll have a mansion, two summer houses, one along the coast of California and one in some exotic place like one of the Carribean islands (if that's even possible), a castle on an island in the Bahamas (actually owning the island... maybe even establishing our own country if we feel like we're up to it--i dunno tho, i'm a pretty lazy person and i dunno if i'm up to manage a country... but then again it'd be like our own country with nobody else living on it anyway 'cuz chances are, probably nobody really wants to live there... or i wouldn't want other people to live there. )... making our kids feel like they are princes and princesses, and a giant pool behind our mansion, and maybe on our island, too (that wouldn't be too hard)~ and perhaps a golf course, a basketball court, a football field... and maybe even a movie theatre!  i guess if we had enough money to afford all that, we could hire maids and nannys and servants and ushers too.  hahahaha what an awesome daydream.  not even daoming si's family is that rich, nor is anybody from ouran high school that rich (maybe kyouya-senpai is, but i'm not too sure), and they're fictional characters.  alright i'm off to showering now.   

something to contemplate:
(fate?)  do you believe in fate?